With each round of chemo, I learn new things…not only about cancer, the side effects of chemo, etc.; but also about myself and the little nuances in daily life.
With my new weekly chemo regimen, I’m learning about strength versus endurance. The drugs have changed and so have the side effects; I’ve traded bone pain for joint pain and traded sleeping for days on end with insomnia. My hair is making a valiant attempt at growing back in, while my eyebrows and eyelashes float down my face. My nails are still growing but the nail beds on my thumbs are purple (almost to the tips) and my big toes are following suit. My immune system is shot and outings into public now require a medical mask and the expectation of being stared at, blatantly. As much as I dread each new round, I press forward.
Many of you have complemented me on my ‘strength’; but am I really strong? It’s easy to pull yourself together and smile for the camera and its easy to sound normal with the typed word. But that’s not really being strong and at this stage of treatment, I’m actually quite weak physically. I won’t deny that I have inner strength…but that’s not the key to winning this battle; it’s going to take endurance and forgiveness.
You see, I did this to myself. I am at fault for having cancer today. I spent roughly 12 years being super, morbidly obese and although I’ve spent the past (almost) 8 years getting back to ‘normal’, the damage was done… All the fast food, sodas, pizzas, greasy fried foods and excessive sweets are why I have cancer now. Our bodies were not designed to eat such things and certainly not in the quantity I was!
So where does that leave me? It leaves me with a renewed determination to learn more about my body and the nutrition it was designed to receive. Fresh foods, whole foods, organic foods. There is more to nutrition then what we ‘think’ we know and it’s up to each of us to shed our sheep mentality and learn about real nutrition…free of chemicals we can’t even pronounce and genetically modified organisms.
You only get one body and you truly are what you eat; I’m living proof.